Wow, the time is almost here.  It’s so hard not to be anxious about the fact that Bowen could come any day now. With all the contractions I’ve been having, I’m thankful that we’ve made it this long.  Our surgeon said he really wanted him to be at least thirty-six weeks before his surgery and now we’re at thirty-eight weeks, thank you Lord! According to our ultrasound last Friday, he’s close to seven and a half pounds and is in the ninety-eighth percentile for height.  They also said he’s practicing his breathing which is a good sign.  Our cardiologist has been watching his other valves for leakage and so far there is none. I’m half a centimeters dilated, thirty percent effaced, and his head is down and ready to go.  Please pray he doesn’t come early while Matt’s in Oklahoma or Texas this coming week; after next Saturday, he has a month off.  When we had our four year-old, Emmy, my water broke ten days early while Matt was in New Mexico.  He made it to the hospital in time for the delivery, but it was pretty stressful. I can only imagine how much more stressful it would be if he were out of town when I go into labor this time around.  We know that God is control, but please continue to pray for us over the coming weeks.

While I’m here, I figured I’d share some other thoughts I had.  This is what I guess you could call a pre-delivery reflection, and I didn’t want to miss the chance to post it.  This is from a few weeks ago:

So I bought this adorable lion Halloween costume about seven years ago before I had kids.  I’ve always wanted to use it, but it just didn’t work for the girls.  It was made for a little boy; size twelve months.  I got it out when we learned we were pregnant with a boy.  It’s in his cradle with all the other special blankets and stuffed animals we picked out for him.  I look at it every day.  Bowen will be about fourteen months old when Halloween comes around and, to be honest, that’s a pretty bittersweet thought.  I try to tell myself he’ll be here, wearing that costume.  That he’ll be healthy, happy and that if you didn’t know any better, wouldn’t believe he’s living with half a heart.  I pray to God that our sweet baby boy is totting around in this lion costume next year. His big sisters will help him from door to door and he’ll be a sticky mess from munching on all that candy.  I’ll let him have as much as he wants.  Then there’s the other part of myself that tells me not to get my hopes up, that reminds me of the statistics and the reality that Bowen might not be here to wear that little lion costume.  Thinking of how much I adore my girls, and that I’ll have that same adoration for Bowen, nearly wrecks me.  Sometimes it’s a struggle to open my heart fully, knowing that it could be devastatingly broken.  But in the end, I know that I won’t be able to resist giving him all of me.

Sarah

In light of what I’ve shared, I thought it would be appropriate to post the lyrics of a song Matt wrote with Bernie Herms last week.

All of Me

Afraid to love something that could break
Could I move on if you were torn away?
I’m so close to what I can’t control
Can’t give you half my heart and pray He makes you whole

You’re gonna have all of me
You’re gonna have all of me
You’re worth every falling tear
You’re worth facing any fear

You’re gonna know all my love
Even if it’s not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I’ll start

I won’t let sadness steal you from my arms
I won’t let pain keep you from my heart
I’ll trade the fear of all that I could lose
For every moment I’ll share with you

You’re gonna have all of me
You’re gonna have all of me
You’re worth every falling tear
You’re worth facing any fear

You’re gonna know all my love
Even if it’s not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I’ll start

Heaven brought you to this moment
It’s too wonderful to speak
You’re worth all of me
You’re worth all of me

Let me recklessly love you
Even if I bleed
You’re worth all of me
You’re worth all of me