Sarah and I haven’t posted for a while because not much has changed over the past several weeks with Bowen’s heart. We’ve had several appointments with our doctors and have received very similar reports as before. There have been a few minor changes in the size of his valves and arteries but none that have seemed to cause our doctors more or less concern over his condition.
Last week we had a chance to visit MOTT Children’s Hospital with some friends who also have an HLHS child. They showed us around the hospital and introduced us to some of the nurses who may be looking after Bowen when the time comes. Sarah and I could barely hold back our tears when we met Jennifer, a nurse who already knew our story and had been praying for us. In that moment we truly felt the love of God. He is so good.
I can’t express our gratitude for everyone who has been praying for Bowen and our family over the past few months. Please continue to pray that God will spare our doctors some extra time and energy by fixing his little heart before he arrives. Also, pray for our family to receive the strength and patience to walk through whatever God allows us to endure. I want you to know that because of your prayers my faith in particular has been strengthened. Over the past few weeks I have chosen to let my emotional guard down and expect a miracle. I’ve come to realize that no matter what God chooses to do in the end, it will cost more than potential disappointment not to completely turn my heart over to faith.
Speaking of faith and miracles, I want to leave you with a short story. A couple of months ago our girls were playing in the back yard of Sarah’s parents house when Claire handed my father-in-law a rock. He noticed that it was shaped like a heart, but what was even more interesting about it was that the left side had a defined area that was a different color. When they showed me the rock, I was a little taken back by it. Still there was a part of me that didn’t want to hold onto it as any sort of sign. Even if it were as simple as being a sign from God that He was with us, the skeptic in me wanted to believe it was just a coincidence. Deep inside I knew that it was more.
That brings me to yesterday. As I was walking through the parking lot of a church in Omaha, I randomly kicked a small rock. As it rolled along the black pavement it glistened and caught my eye. You should know that it’s not at all like me to pick up rocks unless I’m going to skip it on the water, but I took the time to bend down and grab it. As soon as I opened my hand I could clearly see that it was shaped like a heart. Unlike the last time, I didn’t hesitate to believe that this was God’s ways of letting me know in that moment that He is in control. The night before, Sarah was on the phone with me expressing fear and anxiety; my heart was heavy for her and Bowen. The rock was a sign of God’s love that put my heart at ease. I never really asked God to give me anything but Him to hold onto through this time, but I’m going to hold on to my heart shaped rock as a reminder that God is present, faithful, and always in control.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding”