Wow, time has been getting away from us. I can’t believe we haven’t written in a week. Bowen has continued to do well since our last post, with the exception of weathering his second cold this month. Poor little guy…but he seems to be getting better. We started him on some new breathing treatments today, which should help. As you probably know, he can’t be sick for his surgery, so hopefully this is the last virus he catches before March. Some really good news is that, at12lbs 6oz, he is steadily gaining weight for his surgery. We are thanking God for that!
As we draw closer to his second surgery, I’m enjoying every second with my little man. I can’t stop smooching his sweet cheeks. Sometimes I close my eyes and just breathe in his scent. I also love to stare at all his sweet features. I’m really getting to know his little personality, and don’t want to take one second of our time together for granted. I try to live like this with all three of my kids. I just adore them. We are so blessed.
I spent this past weekend in Phoenix, where I had the opportunity to perform at The Rage music festival with the band. As I mentioned in my last post, I was also invited by my friend, Palmer Chinchen, to speak at his church on Sunday morning. I took the opportunity to speak about pain and purpose. I was encouraged by how well my message was received, and was approached by a number of people who shared specifically how it impacted them. There was a short story that I shared at the top of my message that seemed to resonate with a lot of people there. I thought it would be something good to share with you as well. As soon as I get the link, I’ll share the audio of my entire message with you.
Most of my life I struggled with anxiety, fear, and insecurity; especially when it came to speaking and performing on stage. I often felt terrified and even physically sick from worry before and during concert performances. This summer, while at at a music festival, I had the opportunity to watch a good friend of mine perform. He displayed an amount of confidence that I had always desired, and to be honest, I caught myself feeling envious. The comparison game is so easy to get drawn into, and it rarely has a positive outcome. Despite my foolish thoughts and feelings, God, in his kindness, had something good planned for me that night. I approached my friend after the show and was really honest with him about how I was feeling. I explained my struggle with insecurity and that I admired his confidence. After I was done sharing my feelings with him, he responded with words that I never would’ve expected to hear. He said, “You know what your insecurity is, right?” After a long pause and a little smirk (because he knew he was about to share something life changing with me), he said, “Your insecurity is arrogance…it’s arrogance because your saying that it’s all about you, and not about Jesus.”
Those words were like a punch in the gut. As a Christian, I always claimed that my life was about Christ, and yet I was living like it was all about me. I’m so grateful that my friend didn’t just pump me up with flattery that night, but was willing to share the truth in love. Those words were a gift, and since that day, I can honestly tell you that I’ve overcome so many of my greatest fears and insecurities. I’ve learned to walk in confidence, trusting that God will provide me with the strength I need to accomplish everything that he’s called me to do.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9