Today is Emmy’s fifth birthday. I can’t believe our little girl is growing up so quickly! She fills our hearts and home with so much love and life, and she couldn’t be a better big sister to Bowen and Claire. Happy birthday Miss Mae, we absolutely adore you!

Emmy had to color a poster about herself as a birthday project for preschool and there was a section for “wishes”. You can see what she wrote below.

It breaks my heart to know that our girls are hurting over the fact that Bowen is going back to the hospital next week. Sometimes I’m afraid we don’t take enough time to process our feelings as a family. I’m guilty, once again, of neglecting the discipline of rest that I mentioned in a previous post.  It feels as though I’ve been jamming every moment with some type of mental or physical activity. Truth be told, I think I’m trying to distract, maybe even protect myself, from moments of silence where I’d have to face the reality of what’s around the corner. It’s also been harder for me to sit down and write because I’m hesitant to drop another bucket down my well of emotions, afraid I’ll stir the waters that I’ve been working so hard to keep calm.

Deep down, I know that everything will be alright; but I want to know that Bowen will be alright. I continue to pray fervently that God will let us keep him, and I believe He will. However, the reality remains that the number of our days on this earth are uncertain.

A voice says, “Cry!”
And I said, “What shall I cry?”
All flesh is grass,
and it’s beauty like the flower of the field…
The grass withers, the flower fades,
but the word of our God will stand forever.

Isaiah 40:6 and 8

We are comforted by our faith in a lasting hope, but it still isn’t easy to hand Bowen back over to his surgeon. However, God has been gracious to send us more signs that he is with us, and that he is in control. They always show up in the right place, at the right time. This heart showed up on the gym floor of a church in Bend, Oregon in a moment that I really needed it.

Another source of comfort, especially for Sarah, are some of the words to the song,The Redeemer, that I wrote just before we became pregnant with Bowen. These words remain one of our prayers through this difficult time.

I don’t have every answer in life
But I’m trusting you one day at a time
Cause you can make a weak heart stay alive forever
This is where heaven and earth collide
I lift my hands and give my life
This is how my weary heart stays alive

This will probably be our last post before we take Bowen to the hospital next Monday. I don’t need to ask you to continue to pray for us, because we know full well that you will. What I will ask, is that you take a moment to write a message or a prayer for Bowen in the comments. I’d like to print them out for him, in faith that he’ll read them when he gets older.

We can’t thank you enough for all of your love and support. We’ll keep you updated as much as possible next week.